opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
