Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
