I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
