Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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