i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
