Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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