About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
