my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
