Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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