Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
