last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
