hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
