weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
