what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
