Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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