The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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