Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
