she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
