How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
