my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There r osticjed everywhere
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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