Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I will die if light touches me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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