i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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