at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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