I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
