I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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