Don't make out with my wife yet
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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