If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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