You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
