We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
