No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
