capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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