he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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