Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
