I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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