I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had sex on a roof
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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