I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im holly from the hills drunk
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
