I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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