And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
