hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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