I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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