I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
