Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
