So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
