Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
