Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
