Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
