I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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