I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize