I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
