He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
