how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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