I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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