remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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