im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
