I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
