Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
