Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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