Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
