That's when you crack a 10am beer
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
