Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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