explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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