The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize