$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
