Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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