if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
