So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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